So, you have had a GREAT single “me-day”… for your eighty-first day in a row… You plop down on your sofa because you are pretty exhausted from just carrying your new office desk (which you still have to put together like some sort of lumber jack) or 25 bags of groceries up four stories of stairs to your one-bedroom apartment in only one trip because YOU ARE SPARTA! You then decide to open Facebook, forgetting the current epidemic.. And hoop, there it is… “Life Event: Bob and Sally are now engaged!” The roller coaster of emotions begins…
- Programmed Reaction: Awww, good for them!
- Real Reaction: I mean….it’s their fucking funeral.
- Examining Reaction: Wait, they are two years younger than I am.
- Hypothesis Reaction: She must be pregnant.
- Preventative Reaction: I better open a bottle or four bottles of wine tonight, again.
- Stone Cold Lie to Yourself Reaction: I’m so free, I love my life #blessed.
- I Am Not Alone Reaction: You know what… I wonder if my friends have seen this shit.
- Reassuring You Aren’t the Only One Reaction: *Texts Groupme* “Another one bites the dust” *Friends chime in “yeah so ridiculous”* Except for the friends who are in a relationship, who then respond with: “Hey, what’s everyone doin tonight??”
- Using Others Misfortune to Feel Better Reaction: Well, I have at least 3 other friends who will be single for awhile so I’m good… It’s fine… I’m fine… Especially Becky, if I don’t get married before her then I will start to actually worry.
- Oh Shit Reaction: What was that Becky? Oh, you and Jared are official? Oh my god!! Sooo exciting! …. shit…
- Can’t Convince Yourself to Feel Better So Start Using Scientific Data Reaction: *Starts going over statistics in head about divorce rate*
- Reassurance Reaction: Yeah… no… I am fine because once I do get married/find any sort of contender at all, we will never get divorced.
- Make Your Life Seems Better Off Reaction: Poor girl can’t have fun anymore, she is all tied down.
- Reality Setting In Reaction: Wait, what the hell am I going to do tonight? I have just drank a full bottle of wine and I cant waste a “tipsy” on just staying in.
- Reality Fully Set Reaction: I’m so alone.
- Conclusion Reaction: Whatever, I am going out without them and am going to bring back some crazy stories/ maybe if I go out I will find someone to marry.
- Just Kidding I’m Already Drunk Reaction:
Facebook Engagement Announcements: I am sure you will be receiving a “Thank You” card from Chateau St. Michelle Vineyards very soon.
nakedforyou 