Okay, tonight you are going to look HOT. I mean hotter than hot. You are going to even watch Youtube tutorials of how to do “the perfect bedroom eye.” You are going to curl your hair, a nice tousled wave and you are going to shave your legs because you just got this sexy little dress from Bebe earlier today that makes your A cups look like B’s… Okay, maybe just a full A, but that’s neither here nor there. You are going out and you are going to break necks. Girls, you know those kind of nights, right? So, you call up your best friend, Jacey, and tell her you two are going out tonight. She says okay! She shows up in some jeans with not much make up on but still looks flawless. Oh well, whatever right? So, you walk into the bar and heads turn and you are feeling like a QUEEN because everyone is staring at you… but reality slowly sinks in… You have Jacey, a paid L.A. model standing right behind you…
Struggles of your best friend being a model:
1. The comparison of Instagram photos. You post a photo on Instagram and think to yourself, “haha this is awesome! I look like such a fun person.” And then Jacey posts… your thoughts immediately go to, “wait… what am I even doing with my life?”
2. Having to Seize the Moment. When she says she is just going to look casual for the night, you use it as your chance to try to look better and you get all dolled up. Then, she asks, “Ash, I thought we were going casual? You are wearing a dress, is that new? I have never seen it and it has the tags on it.” …My nonchalant response being, “Oh this old thing? No Jay, I just threw it on, you know it was easier than finding two things that matched.” … “Ash you are literally wearing heels” … “Yeah, they are so comfy though…” And this is how you two end up looking :
3. Pool Days. “Hey Ash, lets pack a cooler and meet the guys at the pool.” Immediate panic. “Wait, today? Maybe we should go next week” … *Internal thoughts* That will give me time to fast for seven days, maybe join a Yoga class or a Boxing Gym, layout on my deck to get a little bronze action going because if you can’t tone it…you tan it, get some teeth whitener so they focus on that and not my sun burnt face that I will get within 12 minutes of being in the sun, and put some lemon juice in my hair to make it a little blonder. You think I am being irrational? Okay, you tell me how confident you would feel showing up to the pool with this superhuman:
So you try to distract with humor:
4. Mornings. When you wake up from a night out and your hair is just everywhere. Like, is that a legitimate dreadlock? You feel like your eyes are glued shut from your mascara and you just know you have complete raccoon eyes. You roll over to laugh about it with Jacey and the way she looks just pisses you off so you go back to bed. She can honestly sing “I woke up like dis,” because:
5. Pictures Together. There it is.. the question you knew was coming, “Hey Ash, lets get a pic!” So you immediately start racking your brain, “Okay, what all did she tell me about how to pose for a picture? Oh right, lift your head up, push your neck out, and chin down..” Okay I’m ready…. *looks at picture* “Yeah Jay, sooo cute!” But, in your head “I am going to edit the shit out of this.” And you end up making yourself look like some sort of fictional cartoon character:
6. Comparing Careers. When you get excited because you were asked to do a photo shoot. Because be honest with yourself, everyone wants to be in a photo shoot. You get to feel special, like the “chosen one.” Because they picked YOU to do the shoot. So, getting asked at work to do a photo shoot by the Marketing team is pretty exciting, right? I can’t wait to tell my model friend that I model, too! Except for, when you work for a construction company and your photo shoots turn out like this:
instead of this…
7. Matching Outfits. When you think it would be adorable to have the same Halloween costume as your best friend. So, you guys buy matching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader outfits. As you are still in sweats putting on your make-up she comes out in her costume and you immediately reevaluate all of your decisions, not just on the costume. But, in life, because if you made this bad of a decision to try to match with your model friend then what other horrible decisions have you made? So, you pretend you lost your costume top and find an old jersey from the bottom of your dresser drawer…
8. Guys at Bars. They come walking up to you while Jacey is in the bathroom. “Hey girl, can I buy you a drink” … “Me? Oh yeah sure! I’ll have a Budweiser… Oh, I-I-I mean just a vodka soda, I’m watching my calories.” We talk for a little bit, having fun… and then the long anticipated underlying question… “Is your friend single…” Dear six pound-eight ounce, don’t even know words yet, just so cute and so cuddly, infant Lord baby Jesus. Awkward laugh while saying “no she is not, sorry.” And then Jacey sits at the bar looking over her shoulder like “what are you guys talking about?” Oh nothing much, just how your beautiful face is a major cock block for me… (Innapropriate: but I really just mean potential boyfriend blocker)
9. Just this:
10. The Stragglers. So you use her to pick up the scraps:
You get relieved on a night that you are going out with your college roomies instead because you might actually get some attention tonight! But, then you remember that your college roommates are the calendar models for Budweiser…
So, then you just go hang out with Amanda…
P.S. No Amandas were hurt in the making of this blog.
nakedforyou 